I've been taking care of my mother who has dementia now for several years. A difficult task to put it mildly. What I find interesting is the help offered by both people and agencies is generally not substantive. It takes the form of advice and a few material items here and there, like latex gloves and baby wipes. But giving me a block of time in which I can recuperate by getting respite care for my mom, is non-existent mostly or limited and very temporary. It makes me think of the god-awful neoliberal Clintonian era of welfare reform in which poor people were given shoddy advice, forced to take classes on how to get a job taught by clueless government workers and some second-hand clothes for job interviews. Surely we can offer something more substantive than egoistic advice and second hand clothes.
The assumption is that the person in need is really just too dumb and needs to be shown a few over simplistic things and be sent on their way.
This all comes from an era in which people can brag about working hard on valueless things and provide nothing of creative value or of the heart and soul and be considered heroes of the archaic Protestant work ethic. We give nothing of value to the people. We have no real concern for anyone but ourselves. This is an approach informed by the Me Generation that has left a lasting impression on people, giving them the idea that their own egos take precedence over people's lives overall. Tossing advice someone's way is truly cavalier and, mostly, rude, because it is condescending and usually not really helpful. Someone in dire straits needs physical security and something real for the heart and soul.
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